audio one shot! my first one :) hope you enjoy; i really like this one. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated, but not mandatory :) xxxx liz
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Hope ~ a Finn Harries one shot
*please click play*
Don’t do it, [Y/N]. Stop it. Don’t. Stop right now.
Do it. Do it. You know you want to. You need this. You want this. You can’t stop it. GO.
Voices kept arguing in my head.
Shut the fuck up! I growled at myself, gripping both sides of the sink tighter, closing my eyes shut, using the only ounces of strength I had left to fight off the urges.
Stop it, [Y/N]. You’re better then this. The Angel guaranteed me.
“I can’t, I can’t,” I choked up, forcing myself to look into the mirror; An abundant amount of black tears streaming down my cheek, falling onto the sink. Look at yourself, [Y/N]. You look disgusting. My once tidy hair was now disheveled, my once brown orbs were dark and black.
Stop trying to ignore me, you need this. You want this and you will do this. The Devil reasoned, making me cringe at every word.
“Shut up!” I yelled at the voices in my head. “Shut up!” My chest began to rise and fall quickly, sweat began to drip from my forehead as the black tears continued to fall.
[Y/N] please don’t. Please. Don’t do this. For Finn. Please. You promised him. The Angel kept pleading.
“I can’t, I can’t,” I sobbed again, my mind being bombarded with thoughts of my boyfriend, Finn. The one person who had helped me through everything. The one person who never gave up on me. The one person who cried more than I did when he found out I cut.
“But, you’re so beautiful,” Finn said to me in-between a cry, grasping my hand and squeezing it
tight, as though that gesture would help me change my mind. “Please, [Y/N],” he begged. “Please,
stop, for me, for us.”
I looked into his beautiful iridescent green eyes that were overtaken by tears; Making me cry
harder.
“Please,” Finn begged again, his voice shaking. “I can’t loose you, promise me” he added; His
heartfelt words were filled with so much hope, I couldn’t help but sense that things could get better.
I nodded as he pulled me into a long embrace. “I promise,” I whispered.
I couldn’t stop myself. The urges - they had become too much to endure. I needed an escape. Even if it was for a mere second, I wanted it; I had needed it for so long. Yet, I dreaded it - so much and with every one, I felt a piece of my heart break.
You’re breaking your promise, [Y/N], The Angel continued to say. You’re breaking the promise you made to Finn.
Ugh I spat at myself - horrified. I can’t. Stop it, [Y/N] I cried to myself, feeling every inch of my entire being crumble.
“You’re so much stronger than this” I kept hearing Finn say over and over in my head. I shut my eyes tighter, wanting to escape everything - the thoughts, the actions, the voices, the memories.
“I CAN’T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS,” I screamed at the top of my lungs and without warning, I punched the girl staring right back at me in the mirror; her eyes so cold, her face so lifeless. Pieces of shattered glass fell, a few injecting into my skin.
“I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!” I yelled, over and over, anger and rage captivating my whole body.
I stopped screaming and looked at myself in the glass that remained on the wall. I was fighting against my own self. I always had been, whether I knew it or not, but this time, the girl I was fighting with wasn’t me. She wasn’t the girl Finn had fallen in love with; She was someone who was the outcome of so much heartbreak, neglect, pain, and sorrow. Someone who felt imprisoned in a cage surrounded by bars of fury, one I had trapped myself in.
Not even a second had passed when I felt the all too familiar sense of relief when I scraped a piece of glass against my feeble arm. I threw my head back in contentment, satisfying the needs I had been bottling up inside. Those mere seconds of pure bliss were all I needed. I continued, drawing marks down my arm, enabling a sense of release - escaping from all of my suffering.
“[Y/N]?!” Finn called from down the hall.
I snapped out of my ecstasy once I heard Finn’s voice.
Shit, I uttered, searching for a towel to clean up my blood-stained arm.
“[Y/N]? Babe, where are you?” his voiced trailed, sounding concerned as I didn’t respond.
Fuck fuck fuck I spat, kicking the pieces of broken mirror under the counter.
“[Y/N]?” Finn’s voice became louder as he approached the bathroom. It rattled as he tried to open it.
I stopped cleaning and started to sob. Quietly, knowing that he probably already knew what I was doing.
“[Y/N]? Open this fucking door,” he demanded, fiddling with the door knob. I slide down against the cabinet and cried harder, applying slight pressure onto my self-inflicted wounds.
“Stop,” I said quietly, not wanting him to see me. “Please, stop,” I begged, not sure if he could hear me.
“[Y/N] I swear I will kick this fucking door down, open it,” he angrily demanded, his voice slightly shaking as he spoke.
“I can’t,” I said in a barely audible voice, rubbing my eyes to stop more tears from falling.
“Please,” his voice completely cracked. He was crying. I knew he was. “Open the door,” he begged.
Goddammit I cursed at myself for reaching this point. Just fucking open it, [Y/N] I kept telling myself, immensely aware of the guilt that was forming inside of me.
Before i even had the chance to think things through, the door came flying down, abruptly landing on the ground next to me.
I didn’t even have the courage to look at Finn. I dug my face into my knees and began to bawl. Louder and louder.
Finn stood completely paralyzed by the door frame, absorbing the sight before him.
“Finn-” I finally gained the nerve to look at him. His expression was blank, his eyes staring straight at me, projecting arrows of anger and disappointment into me, making my heart break by the minute. “I’m sorry,” was all I could manage to say.
“What did I do wrong. [Y/N]?” He asked in a low voice, confusion and hurt manifesting in his words.
“Nothing,” I cried. “It was my fault,” a huge ball began forming in my throat. “Finn, please,” I begged. “You don’t understand what I go through,” I told him.
“No, you’re right, I don’t understand,” he rose his voice. “But,” he said before pausing, taking a moment to reorganize his thoughts, and stop himself from crying. “I thought you understood when I told you that I wouldn’t let you go through this alone; That I was there for you.”
“Finn, I’m sorry,” I apologized, more tears falling from my eyes.
“You think I like this?” He asked mockingly. “You think I like seeing the one I love slowly kill herself?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in deep thought.
I was speechless. I couldn’t answer his question; In that moment, my worst possible fear had just come true - hurting Finn. He was in more pain than I could ever imagine.
A moment of silence passed before he walked over, sat down next to me, held my hand, and with his thumb, gently rubbed my cuts, not taking his eyes off of them.
I stared at his action before looking back at him. Even though my eyes were blurry, I could tell that he was starting to cry.
“I need you, [Y/N],” he said quietly, still not turning his attention away from my wounds. “I wish I could do more to make this pain go away, but I can’t,” he sounded angry at himself.
“Finn,” I said, placing my thumb on his chin and making him face me. “You do more than make the pain go away - you bring me the most joy I’ve ever had,” I told him.
“I love you,” he responded before softly planting tender kisses on each one of my cuts, penetrating my body with hope, that thing’s, not could, but would get better.
“I love you more than you know.”
okie so i wrote another one shot (jack this time). i hope you like it; somewhat. feedback is greatly appreciated, but not mandatory :) xxx liz
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All I’ve Ever Needed - a Jack Harries one shot.
“Sometimes the one you’re meant to be with is the person standing right in front of you but the wrong person is blocking your view.” ~Unknown
Fucking asshole. I mumbled to myself as I opened the door to my flat. I dropped my keys onto the table and flopped onto the couch. Fucking bitch motherfucking asshole I mumbled over and over and I turned to my stomach and dug my face into the pillow, letting out a loud scream before I unwillingly let go of the tears that I tried to hard to suppress come out. Matt and I had just broken up after I found out he had been cheating on me for the past three months with some whore. My angry thoughts were put to a halt as I heard my phone vibrate. Goddammit I muttered as I dug into my pocket to fish it out.
Hey, you alright? Just heard what happened. I’m here for you, always xx Jack
I smiled at the text message. Jack and I had been best friends since primary school. I loved him, in the brotherly way, of course. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat sexually attracted to him as we grew older. I mean look at him. No doubt he was incredibly handsome; And everyone noticed it. Jack had had many girlfriends in the past, but most were on and off and, if you asked me, a bunch of whores who just wanted him for his looks. But that wasn’t the Jack I knew. The Jack I knew was talented, hilarious, smart, the only person who could make me smile when I was having a bad day, and the one person in the entire world that knew me more than I knew myself.
Can you come over? I need my best friend :( I quickly texted back, automatically knowing that Jack would make me feel better.
Of course, be there faster than you can say buttercup ;) xx Jack He responded. I laughed at the corny line.
Ten minutes later Jack and I were sitting on the couch, together, both drinking tea he had made.
“So you wanna talk about it or,” he began bringing up the conversation I definitely did not want to have with him.
I sighed and fiddled with the end of my shirt and shrugged. “No, not really.”
“[Y/N]-” he tried to reason before I cut him off.
“Jack, you don’t understand,” I told him. “It fucking hurts,” I said as tears began to form. As much as I was angry at Matt, I couldn’t help but want him back. So bad. Yes, he had caused me so much pain and anger, yet those moments of love and happiness we had spent together were haunting me. And I knew, deep down, I knew I wanted him back.
“You don’t think I understand heartbreak?” He said offensively before chuckling. “[Y/N], I know, it hurts like hell,” he agreed.
“It fucking sucks, Jack, it sucks,” I bitterly yelled before I completely lost it and started to sob.
Jack sighed before pulling me into a hug. “Shhh,” he comforted as he slowly rubbed my back. “Everything’s going to be alright,” he whispered.
“I just loved him so much, you know?” I mumbled into his chest, hugging him tighter, feeling the warmth of his embrace.
I could feel him tense up a little, yet he didn’t let go of our hug. I pulled back after a while and stared at his familiar green eyes. I gave him a weak smile.
“You’re going to hate me,” I told him.
“What? I could never hate you, [Y/N],” he was slightly insulted that I could think such a thing.
I shook my head. “God, I don’t want to say this,” I laughed mockingly as I turned my attention back to Jack.
“What?” he asked eagerly, his smile fading, and his face turning into a serious expression.
“I think,” I sighed before continuing, almost disgusted with myself. “I think I want him back,” I managed to say, quickly turning to face him.
He wasn’t happy. I knew what happy Jack looked like, but this, this wasn’t him. He stared straight ahead, like he was shooting darts into the wall.
I nudged him, “Jack, say something,” I demanded.
“You say that every time he hurts you, [Y/N],” he rose his voice much louder than I had anticipated.
“Whoa, Jack, relax,” I tried to calm him down before he shot up and began to pace back and forth in the living room.
“Goddammit, [Y/N]!” He yelled. I could almost see the anger and rage in his eyes.
I got up and walked over to him, “Jack!” I yelled, anger pulsing through my veins. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I spat, gripping his arm to stabilize him.
“Do you seriously not see what he’s been doing to you, [Y/N]?!” he yelled. I was almost positive his eyes were starting to water.
“He’s manipulating you! He always has been, but you’ve just been too blinded by his so called ‘charm,’ that you continually crawl back to him!,” he yelled.
Okay, that was it. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jack. But this, this time he was throwing me over the edge.
“Motherfucker, shut the fuck up,” I spat.
“Oh, you don’t think it’s true?” he retorted before chuckling. “I’m fucking tired of seeing you get hurt, it kills me,” he lowered his voice.
“You have no idea how much I want to kill that son of a bitch for hurting you,” he continued as a tear slid down his face and he quickly swept it away.
“Jack-” I tried to interject. “I’m sorry-” I apologized.
“Forget it,” he shook his head as he grabbed his jacket and headed towards the door.
“Jack, wait,” I gripped his shirt and made him turn around.
“Why?!” He yelled again. “Why should I wait for you, [Y/N]?” he asked. “I’ve loved you for longest time and you won’t even recognize that,” he said before he sighed and let go of my grip.
I stood there, motionless as he slammed the door shut. Jack had just admitted his love for me. For me.
I sprinted outside, and looked in every direction to try and find his familiar figure walking. I spotted him several feet away, and ran as fast as I possibly could to him.
“Jack,” I said as I pulled on the back of his jacket, making him abruptly turn around.
“[Y/N]-” he tried to resist as I intertwined my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer, placing a long and passionate kiss on his lips.
I could feel him, slowly but surely, kiss back, forming a smile on my face.
“I love you, so much,” I said as we pulled away. His eyes opened, his lips still in an “o” shape, making me giggle. I pulled him closer, “I’m so sorry,” I leaned my forehead against his.
“For not realizing how much I meant to you, for being a complete and utter idiot,” I rambled looking into his emerald orbs that were replenished with an aura of happiness.
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I could ever need,” I continued; Jack still not responding.
“Jack,” I nudged him lightly. “Say something, please,” I begged, nervous that he didn’t have those feelings for me; That I could have just embarrassed the crap out of myself.
“I don’t know what to say, [Y/N],” he chuckled. “Except, I’m so fucking glad you finally did,” he grinned.
I rolled my eyes and planted a soft, yet meaningful kiss on his lips.
I guess it had taken me all of these years of being blindsided by the wrong guy to finally help me realize that the only person I really needed had been with me forever. My only best friend. And now, my only lover.
